Do You Have an Octopus?
By Linda Grim
Meet my octopus known as depression…
1. When I met my octopus, it was one tender tentacle twisting at my arm, telling me how much of a wasted space I was as a person. How I would never measure up to what others expected and needed of me. Self-condemnation, self-hatred.
2. It wasn’t long before the second tentacle wrapped around my leg, leaching my energy, bringing lethargy. It was all I could do to drag myself out of bed every day.
3. Lethargy kept me home and the third tentacle found my hands and voice. Isolation. No one wants to hear how you are. It’s better to be imprisoned in your home, alone.
4. (and 5) The fourth tentacle crushed my heart. Squeezing unresolved hurts and trauma oozing all around. The mess of an imperfect world where people will disappoint at some point, at some time. This emotional pain brought its cohort physical pain (#5). Oh, so much pain.
6. The swirling of emotions, the lies of self-hatred, and isolation brought their sidekick (tentacle six) stinkin’ thinkin’. Distorted thinking pushed reality out the window. Trust no one. Why didn’t they call? They don’t care…
7. (and 8) Stinkin’ Thinkin’ had intense sadness and insomnia in its backpack. Tentacles seven and eight began to force the air from my lungs. Breathing hurts; why bother?
Sleep deprivation left me wide awake and crying.
Nothing will ever change.
Leaving Earth is the only answer. I just won’t eat…much.
Surely, there’s a better wife, mother, friend, person who will take my place.
My delusions were taking over. I was in a downward spiral into the dark pit of despair.
This was a tug of war for my heart and soul.
BUT GOD…
In the darkness, He was holding on to me and pulling me away from the demon of depression. His grip was unbreakable. Slowly He pulled me back to reality.
Intervention came when my husband insisted I get help.
For me, help came from a good therapist and eventually medication, and rebuilding my support system of good friends.
“Then I will compensate you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust—My great army, which I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; then My people will never be put to shame.”
God has restored what the locusts have eaten. He has healed wounds and given me joy—His joy. With Scripture to sustain me and friends to support me, I can breathe again, live again.
If you suffer with depression, God can heal you too! I encourage you to reach out to your closest friend or family. Talk with your physician or get therapy. Keep hoping. Keep praying. My friend, God hears you. He wants to help.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”
Meet the Author
Not one to sit still, Linda Grim has had numerous careers, from selling shoes, aerobics instructor, Nuclear Marine Electrician, to Interior Designer. Married 37 years, she and Bill met in the engine room of a nuclear submarine. They have two adult daughters, one son-in-law, and one grandson. She enjoys playing the piano, reading, crocheting, and singing with her dogs. Currently, she serves with an interfaith women’s ministry and The Ark Bakery and Café, an anti-trafficking non-profit. She believes learning keeps her young, and God keeps her joyful. You can find more work from Linda on her blog and on her Facebook page.
