Encouragement for Battling Social Anxiety
By Megan Jean Wilczek
I pulled up to the church and sat in my car for a minute, messing with my phone and avoiding going inside for as long as possible. I sarcastically said to myself, “I bet they’re doing crafts. I hate crafts.” Finally working up the courage, I climbed out of my car and started the seemingly long, drawn-out walk to the church. As I walked down the long hallway to the room where the moms’ group was meeting, my heart beat faster and faster. “Deep breaths. It will be fine,” I said to myself.
Walking into a room of strangers, I saw the eyes of about twenty seemingly perfect women peer up at me, smiling. Hesitantly, I found an empty seat and sat down. The other women at the table smiled and introduced themselves. My mind took note of their cute, trendy clothes and the way one mom had a quiet, adorable, well-mannered child snuggled up to her. They continued with their conversations about their gardens, home projects, and their most recent craft idea.
My brain automatically started comparing.
I don’t even own clothes that cute.
I’m dressed like a teenager.
My kids aren’t that sweet and quiet.
I suck at gardening.
My house is a mess.
I can’t even keep it clean, much less make it look cute.
I hate crafts.
I don’t fit in here.
In my mind, it was only a matter of time before they saw through my composed outer image and found out that I didn’t belong here, that I was a mess inside. That I’m not a tidy, pretty, Proverbs 31 woman. Where’s the meeting of the women who enjoy rock music, tattoos, and piercings while combatting messy houses, loud children, trauma, and alcoholism? That’s the one I’d like to sign up for, please.
Do you see what is happening here?
Comparison. Imposter Syndrome. Assumptions. Self-focus. Maladaptive thoughts. Need I go on?
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
In this example, clearly, I was not taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. I was allowing the mean, judgy thoughts about myself and others to ping-pong around in my brain. I was creating a panic within myself about being at this gathering of beautiful souls who love Jesus and are there to connect and learn more about Him. These thoughts were not from Jesus. These thoughts were my self-absorbed human nature with a splash of satan not wanting me to enjoy a community of Godly women. He’d rather I self-isolate and feel sorry for myself.
Despite my doubts and poor attitude, I continued to come back to this moms’ group. The women there welcomed me warmly and showed me love every single time. It was like they were onto my preconceived conclusions and wanted to prove me wrong. I never felt shunned or judged. They didn’t even make me do any crafts.
I now look forward to going. I’ve gotten to know a handful of these women well and love them dearly. Every ugly thought I had about that group was wrong. It’s easy to assume that beautiful women with beautiful children are perfect when you see them on a surface level. However, the deeper you get to know someone, the more you see their struggles and imperfections. They might look different from yours, but if they are being honest and vulnerable, they have a story, too. They have insecurities, too.
In fact, they may be unfairly comparing themselves to you!
“It isn’t fair to compare your inward flaws with the outward beauty of others.”
Social connections are important, especially within the church. It has a great impact on our spiritual health.
One of the final prayers of Jesus was that we would love each other (John 17). God knows how important this is for our spiritual health, but He’s not the only one who knows it. Satan knows, too, and he will do whatever he can to destroy our connections with each other.
It takes bravery and vulnerability to step out of our comfort zones.
Sometimes, the felt safety of isolation is stronger than the desire to create community.
Showing up is stepping out into the unknown. It’s risking rejection. It’s even harder if you’ve tried and been rejected before. I’ve been there, too. But if you’ll keep trying, the reward is well worth it. Be brave, friends.
Meet the Author
Megan grew up in rural Wisconsin, where she was always known as the quiet girl with a book in her hands. Now, Megan is working on her lifelong dream of becoming the author of her very own book. Out of her own struggle with trauma, addiction, and mental health, she created the Jordan Crossings Blog to empower those who are healing from trauma and educate Christians on how to minister to those who are hurting. Megan is a chosen child of God, writer, speaker, trauma survivor, mental health advocate, adoptive mom, and fire wife.
